How Well Do You Know Me?

Recently, I made a quiz for Facebook using the popular “How Well Do You Know Me?” application. Almost no one tried it, and no one passed.

One of my friends called Shenanigans on my quiz, stating that I don’t know myself well enough to produce a realistic test.

Is he right? Who knows… Your cheat sheet follows (Correct Answers in BOLD and Explanations, if any, in Italics):

1) How many slices of pizza did Mike eat during a HS band pizza party?
a) 9
b) 3
c) 27
d) 42
I realize this sounds ridiculous, but it’s true. They threw a pizza party for the marching band after a football game and almost no one showed up. The few of us that were there munched down on pizza. I remember having a ball, and counting the number of pizzas I ate… I ate 3 whole large pizzas. 9 slices each. 27 slices of pizza. I had a BAD week after that.

2) What did Mike state was his ultimate work goal while in college?
a) Making LOTS of money
b) Becoming the next Steven Spielberg
c) Directing the Late Show with David Letterman
d) Managing computers in a public library
e) 40 years of unemployed bliss
This was actually part of a questionnaire when I agreed to go to Madonna University. We were asked what our ultimate career goal would be. I stated that I wanted to direct the Late Show with David Letterman. Remember, my major was VIDEO COMMUNICATIONS, not FILM. D, of course, is where I’ve ended up.

3) What is Mike’s middle name?
a) Tralfaz
b) Scott
c) David
d) Lawrence
e) Laurence
Cheap trick question. I included the alternate spelling. Sorry. Tralfaz is Astro’s real name. That always cracked me up…

4) What year did Mike graduate from Madonna University?
a) 1992
b) 1993
c) 1994
d) 1995
e) 1999
Technically, I would have accepted 1992 as correct. I completed all my course work in 1992 except for 3 credit hours. I actually had to waste 2 semesters after wards attending conferences that I have no memory of to pick up 3 credit hours… So I finished my Bachelors’ in 3 years. Yes I did.

5) Mike’s Cat is named Fargo. What inspired this name?
a) A visit to South Dakota.
b) A visit to North Dakota
c) The movie “Fargo”
d) His desire to visit frigid climates
BS was called on this question because I deleted an important detail… when I got Fargo from the Humane Society, he had a name applied to him already (as they are wont to do, because naming the pet makes it more personal to them). The name was: Chipper. So, one of the more famous scenes from the movie Fargo involves the disposal of bodies in a wood chipper… see? Fits like a glove…

6) Mike lives in a condo. He calls it the…
a) Fantasy Wonder Sex Land
b) Loft
c) Hellhole
d) Condo Rice
The reasoning here is obvious. Read some back entries on my blog. I hate this place, with all my soul. It’s just a hole in the ground I dump money into and sleep. I hate the place because I distrust the Condo Association. They’re worthless, money grubbing, crap-faced liars who deserve whatever bad things come unto their existence.

7) Mike’s current side business is called…
a) McGeeks for Hire
b) MC Web Design
c) McEvoy Technologies
d) Techiance
e) NotAGeek
Mildly trick question. Until January this year, I DID have a business called “MC Web Design”, which I ran with my cousin Charlie. However, Charlie just doesn’t have the time on his hands to devote to a side business proper. I respect that. I wish I had a great wife and 2.5 kids to keep me busy too. Otherwise, Techiance was one of the business names I considered before McEvoy Technologies. It stood for “Technical Brilliance”.

8) What was Mike’s handle on BBS’s?
a) Whadda
b) Sponge
c) Spoo
d) Spultz
e) Fartbreath the Farthest
Supreme Premier of UnListed Time Zones. That’s what Spultz meant. It was also the sound effect for dropping dead bodies off a building. Either way, it was unique on BBS’s. I technically also used Whadda on 1 or 2 BBS’s, but those only lasted a month or so. I NEVER used “Spoo” on a BBS. That was a nickname because “spultz” was “too hard to type” while “spoo” was easy.

9) Mike ran a BBS with his brother and friend. The BBS was called…
a) Frontline
b) A Touch of Class
c) Power Outlet
d) The Other Side
e) Solaris
Ah, those were the good old days… of Punter protocol, and ASCII graphics. 1541/1581 drives to max out storage. Uploads and Downloads that took 3 to 6 hours to complete… (which would take about 25 seconds now!) Thousands of floppies worth of fun and late night pizza from wonder bread, spaghetti sauce and cheez whiz. Hanging out all night with my brother and friends… good good times.

10) Mike has a physical impairment. Can you name it?
a) Blind
b) Has no Toes
c) Has no Nose
d) Deaf
e) Can’t smell
I have no idea how anyone I know could possibly NOT answer this correctly.

11) Mike considers this to be the greatest sci-fi book ever written. Name it.
a) Neuromancer
b) Rendevous with Rama
c) Snowcrash
d) I, Robot
e) 2001
I re-read this book over and over. It just always works for me. It’s not uplifting or anything. It’s just utterly, triumphantly fascinating and imaginative. I want to play Raven in the movie.

12) How many scripts (80 + pages) has Mike written?
a) 1
b) None
c) 3
d) 6
e) 2
This one is easy to find out: just go to and read them. See? That was simple.

13) Michael likes to write…
a) Notes and such
b) Short Stories
c) Screenplays
d) Poetry
e) Manuals
On the back of the last question, this was definitely me being funny again. However, I have written more poetry than… well… most dead poets. The pure posted number of poetry (which is just a fraction of what I have at home) should have been a dead giveaway. You’ll find some of it online at I have no idea if any of the poetry I’ve written is any good. Its never been read by anyone who could give me an honest critique.

14) The first rollercoaster Mike ever rode was…
a) Gemini
b) Blue Streak
c) Wildcat
d) Corkscrew
e) Magnum XL
Junior High Field Trip for having a 3.25 GPA for the year. Rob Lambert and I walked in the park, and ran right to the middle, got in line and managed to get the front of the coaster. I then told Rob “I’ve never been on a roller coaster before”.

15) Mike watches professional wrestling. Who was his favorite?
a) Hulk Hogan
b) Ric Flair
c) King Kong Bundy
d) Randy Savage
e) Ultimate Warrior
I hated Hogan after Wrestlemania 4. Flair, I hated him until the late 90s. Bundy? Hated him. Ultimate Warrior? Liked him, until Jim Hellwig legally changed his name to “Mr. The Ultimate Warrior”. That leaves the Macho Man. Oh yeah!

So… does this still sound like I don’t know myself?

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