MC Spoo Sun, 17 May 2015 04:23:24 +0000 en-US hourly 1 Magazine Sun, 17 May 2015 04:21:10 +0000 I always dream my life would be
like something on the front
of a magazine
admired by people in the grocery line
waiting to get on with their own lives

But a supernova of comprehension
spoke in dulcet tones one evening
broke the hold of all the tomes
the breath they breathed upon my life
fades away from being as brilliance
took hold of all thats left of my mind

so shallow were my infant dreams
so pitiful the waves I seek
acknowledging how miniscule
how tiny how meaningless
my life has always been
will always be

as long as I refuse to see
everything there is to see
stop being trapped on moments beings
start being enrapt of beyond the dreams
the skies the stars they are nothing
but grains of dust on grains of sand
on swatchs of beach bordering
the great wide sea of that’s being

I always dreamed my life would be
like something on the front
of a magazines
admired by people in the grocery line
waiting to get on with their own lives

It’s supposed to scare me to comprehend
how meaningless it all has been
it’s supposed to drive me screaming insane
but instead it makes me smile today
to know that I am nothing special

Everything I know and see
Every dream I’ve ever dreamed
I am the master of all these things
but still I stand and sway to the beat
I am nothing at all

I always dreamed my life would be
spent with you on the magazines
admired by the jealoes wife
with screaming brats in the grocery line
she’d wish to God she had our lives

All the notes the beats the bass slithering
the snare it keeps the cymbal screams
the song it means nothing at all
cause no matter how they compose this song
another one will come along

The matter hits anti-matter and reality impodes
the density pulls on everything
but however meaningless I seem
However meaningless my dreams
my wants and desires that mean nothing
I resist the pull the song to go

I always will hold this dream
where everyone wishes they could be me
cause I’ll be the one standing aside
the center of all there is
I hold my dreams forever and ever
left reality fade from being
I’ll stand alone infinity
a single candle ever burning

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Words Sun, 12 Apr 2015 12:37:51 +0000 Words are just motions of the mind
vibrations and undulations applied
spilling forth in frothing bubbles
words are just motions of the mind

nothing neat and nothing sweet
nothing spoken without meaning
nothing dared and nothing torn
left alone an imperfect thorn

speak your mind or lay down to die
do what makes you happy or at least try
look her in the eye and say the words
they’ll be heard and what comes next

is what’s meant to be cause only now
the right moment seeks to align
with your heart and mind to make
the only rhyme you’ll ever rhyme

words are more than motions of the mind
vibrations and undulations unapplied
spilling forth in frothing bubbles
words are the emotions of the mind

given shape form and factor finally
the audience can see the machinations
the gears the cogs firmly aligned
well oiled and working in time

a well spoken mind
will find the words
that mean so much
that never ever will die

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all the houses left behind Tue, 31 Mar 2015 04:40:02 +0000 Burning down all the houses left behind
fill them up with nothing inside
stare upon the spaces they make
the toll of sadness begins so bleak

control of your days
and shadows cast from your gaze
all who dare meet your frightened stare
and respond without a basis to share

left behind to fight on
left behind to find out why
left behind to keep going
left behind to find out why

Demonic phrases bubble forth
the tide held back
by the walls built inside
pray the deluge doesn’t burst

control of nothingness
and shadows cast from your gaze
all who dare meet your frightened stare
and respond with nary a basis to share

Still to roam the desert chrome
pitted tarnished and so road worn
Still to roam the darkened shores
lapping at the the cliffs of nowhere

I feel dangerous to myself
I feel deadly to the rest
i feel like the words I speak
are a spell cast by wizards breath

I feel self control is just a dream
I feel like the die was cast for me
no one asked me if I was ready
just thrown to the curb and left to stray

Burning down all the houses left behind
fill them up with nothing inside
stare upon the spaces they make
the toll of sadness begins so bleak

are questions of merit
under the guise of a God
who doesn’t care

In darkness done despair
self pity and you quite a pair
Let the light play and dance
for someone else

Let the sweet sounds
of a sunny day wash away
all of the pain
at least for one fine day

then the night
and loneliness come to stay
cuddle up and stab you
right in the face

all the blood coursing
in your veins
belongs to the sadness today
let darkness come so they spake

your head it shakes
your words they say
it’s time to just s top foghting
and lay yourself aside

No no no no NO
I say NO No NO NO
this is when I stand up to stay

the darkness comes so easily
the light to cast is struggling
but the brightness fast is always
there inside if but to wait

for another fine sunny day
and one after another following
sure the clouds will come on by
cast a shadow unto I

but always will this sun shine
brighter still than every whine
every fear and every time
I feel like the shadow’s mine

Burning down all the houses left behind
fill them up with nothing inside
stare upon the spaces they make
the toll of sadness began so bleak

It doesn’t have to be
it’s always up to me
Come dare with me
come share with me

the light and joy the future brings

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up off the ground Sun, 01 Mar 2015 16:05:08 +0000 Sometimes I walk in the woods
wander off the path as the clouds descend
and the fog portends of broken whims

The chords of life play a deepening bass
everything shakes and life seems to be
a waste of time and space so effortlessly

when I break down and forget my bounds
I yap and growl and snap and prowl
and say I’m broken down

they tell me it’s just human
sometimes we all fall
it’s how you pull yourself

up off the ground

Sometimes I walk in the woods
the deer feed as I walk on by
in the warming summer breeze

sometimes they run when I’m near
sometimes they stay and watch me go
and always do I smile

The song that plays in my head
called everyday will change
once I accept the truth

when I break down and forget my bounds
I stop and say I’m better today
peel me up and watch me bound

up off the ground

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Circular Illogic Fri, 20 Feb 2015 05:45:44 +0000 my brain is pasted on a page,
like mucilege and ocnstruction paper
a mildly askew kindergarten project
resulting from accidental ingestion
of the nasty mushrooms left behind
by the town wino who passed out
and died on the park bench in a
blaze of red and blue lights
at 5am in the morning,
robbing mom and dad of sleep
bequeathing the angry flustered
zombie walk of a day without enough sleep.

Blessed are the donuts heaved over
the shattered remains of Humpty’s corpse
trod into a fine dust in the desire
to consume one more cup of
bitter bean swill upon the morn
whence suddenly you come to
realize you’ve been babbling on
meaninglessly and it’s more
constructive and meaningful
than anything you can say
while traipsing about in
your ever daily lucidity.

Beckoned the soft confines spake
but my body denied the come hither
batting of frilly edges made
from empty pledges and
the fleeting hope my dreams
will be filled with something
much more satisfying than
the monotony of yet
another day under the boot heel
of my own ethics and desire
to succeed beyond my means
without acceptance of my station
nor denial of my patience.

Finally the robot legion of doom
pulls down the lids of my lens
and begs my mind to close within
peer deep inside the unconscious mind
and speak only of and to myself
all the characters are me
even the ones I hate to see
especially the ones I love to be
the way I keep ever flying
and saving the world in my dreams
from the death above i keep bringing.

rinse and repeat
rinse and repeat
how many times
shall I wash thee?

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Emblazoned Emblem Upon His Chest Wed, 07 Jan 2015 04:59:28 +0000 Bear your eyes upon
something you don’t see
every day your wake and breathe
a man with no legs is walking
down the street
lead by a man with no eyes
to hear a man with no ears
sing this song

A man with no hands
plays a mean guitar
a man with no ears
sings rights along

Bare your soul upon
don’t say the word
don’t jinx the hurt
glassy eyed and pacified
without a mind
still cleverly assigned

He runs around and waves at the sky
the clouds stop passing by
recognize she said it’s time
say the word caught in your throat
unleash the damnation of worth

Questions and dares
blank broken stares
hiding underneath the stairs
shivering in a million fears
sweetened by only the hope

Embrace the demon electric
fear not the complexity
taste the difference in the world
when no longer do you fear
another day another way
it’s all the same always the same

A different color a different shade
it’s still a blue sky today

It’s still a man running down the street
it’s still a man playing guitar
it’s still a man rocking the drums
it’s still a man singing this song

No one’s stringing you along
just another life another day
just another man anyways
for your soul to bear upon
so normal so everyday
emblazoned emblem upon his chest

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Life Sat, 27 Dec 2014 05:30:52 +0000 The earth still spins
around the Sun it went
despite the end
that happened

all that mattered came
to a surprising conclusion
and still the children
continue to ride

Life is without amusment
Life is without a doubt
Just another reason
for mucking all about

Why another day does
the sun come out to play
when the dark descended
eternally to stay

all that made me shine
has gone away to leave
this mishapen lump of coal
writing about how sad things go

Life is a runaway train
Life is not stopping
just another disaster
wrecking havoc and war

Storm clouds came tumbled
blown everything amok
and your sweet little dreams
mean nothing at all

all that made life interesting
strewn about the land
rake the leaves of your life
into a pile and a can of gas

Life is burning through
Life is a pile of ashes blown
across the fields
and into the lakes

My sadness so deep
no light can touch me
I stare at the sun
hoping to feel the heat

all that mattered changed
normal has no meaning
struggle is the only way
squirm to the surface one day

Life is the flowers that bloom
Life is what you renew
even on your knees
you stand taller than you do

Life is not begging
life waits for no man
just brush it off
and stand

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Does it make any sense? Wed, 24 Dec 2014 06:21:11 +0000 Burn it down
rebuild from ashes
does it make any sense?

Build it up
rip it to shreds
does it make any sense?

Logic is man made
madness is descriptive
without meaning

Good and evil
they aren’t real things
just ways to say

How are you feeling?

Words have power
when used correctly
incorrectly they injure

Language isn’t always spoken
nor written nor signed
but sometimes ingrained in time

BUrn it down
rebuild from ashes
does it make any sense?

Built it up
rip to to shreds
does it make any sense?

Moments span eternity
yet still you’re trapped
remembering all you despise

Fumbling mumbling
it’s almost always troubling
when your mouth opens to speak

How are you feeling?

Words have power
when used correctly
incorrectly the injure

The stars the spake
said the pain begins
never to abate

Blood rains from
above the clouds
it stains the ground

and we cleanse the flow
with tears of our own
until we say

Burn it down
rebuild from the ashes
does it make any sense?

Built it up
rip it to shreds
does it make any sense?

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I Dare You Sat, 29 Nov 2014 02:10:12 +0000 I dare you to say
what you’re really feeling
blood soaked may the words
flow from your naked soul
demonic or angelic
who can speak, please tell us

I dare you to say
what you really wanna say
barking mad a haunted lad
barely is he cognizant
broken down and screeching
of profound absence
emptiness without purpose
blank stares unto all you swear
holy or golden nothing left to hold

I dare you to say
what you’ve meant to me
can you pack enough love
can you express enough hate
can you stop feeling
can you start listening?

I dare you I dare you
to say what you mean
nothing sweet so prickly
burning heat so sourly
bleed unto the mound of seed
grow unto the sky it seeks
an answer cause it dared to speak

I dare you to say
your lips quivering

I dare to you say
so jealously
let silence ring
all but the timber of
your echoed voice
what wrought the
splitting yelp of me
below it flows
the water of my heart

I dare you to say
you never understood

I dare you to say
you always heard me

I dare you to say
what you’re really feeling

If it would solve all the pain
I’d fight God even the Devil
cause if it’d bring him back
I’d fight unto the end

I dare you to say
you don’t understand me

I dare you to say
the words I’ve done spake

I dare you to repeat
all that’s said of me

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Utter, Abject insanity plus other Deep Thoughts Fri, 24 Oct 2014 00:37:40 +0000 I’d be remiss if I didn’t add an entry to my blog about this time to remind myself of how absolutely batshit insane everything has been lately.

Work has been off the charts in terms of demands on my time. I’m basically working at least 4 jobs right now at the Library. I’m working my job, the Digital Services Librarian, 2 Computer Pages worth of desk time, and for the last few weeks I’ve been the plumber. On the side, I’ve been continuing to talk with clients (including rolling out a new website for NMS) and also working on the Library’s millage campaign (including the website and Social Media presence with FB advertising). Good grief. I have so much work and responsibility, I have no time for me. I’m also still the TLN Tech Comm Chair. I attended MLA in Grand Rapids, which included a harrowing drive on a Tuesday night with no moon, fog, and downpours… and a drive back from there in soupy thick fog unto a Library whereas we had to snake out a drain under Wing St…. on a 10 hr day PLUS the morning drive in.

On the plus side, I am thrilled that my bosses trust me to this extent. On the downside? Having to prioritize to such a high extent that my personal life is non-existent. For example, I had to cancel my vacation to visit Dan, Linda and even Allison down in Virginia. I am crushed for having to do this. I feel completely awful for having to cancel flights (I had to eat the cost of the flight: $220), rental cars, hotels, and the fact I was going to help on the NVTRP for a morning while down there… and I was going to drive myself to Natural Bridge….)

I recognized last night that I was so crushed, I was physically depressed, and it was physically affecting me (I had heart burn, and I’ve been sleeping 8 to 9 hours a night… often finding myself passing out in my easy chair while trying to catch up on TV after cleaning house…) I have no time to do what I really need to do: LOSE WEIGHT. Cause I’m nearing (like within a pound or 2 of) the mythical Hulk Hogan weight… without the 24 inch pythons. I need time for ME, and I can’t… because if I take any time, this place will fall apart because I’m filling so many jobs right now, I might as well be the mortar in the bricks.

I’ve hardly been seeing my Dad (twice a week, maybe), who’s going through his own travails… I see my brother and nephew once a week… I see Darcey and Drew every Sunday morning for flag football… that’s it. I cook dinner for my dad, brother and nephew… that’s my whole personal life right now.

I love my job. I really do. I couldn’t work this way if I didn’t… but I find myself questioning if I’m completely sacrificing my personal life, nay, my ability to even HAVE a personal life, for the sake of my professional life. They’re two very different, but vital parts of who I am… I really want to find balance.

That, and I’m sick of being alone. Maybe if I had someone with me, it would be an easier burden to shoulder. Maybe it’s not a burden at all, and I’m just a wuss. I just don’t know right now.

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