Today, I was supposed to have the day off. So I slept in until 10:30am. I awoke without be shaken awake. I awoke thinking "I slept all night... and most of the morning." I awoke noting that my left ear was not ringing.
I got out of bed, fed and watered the cats. Then walked back to my computer, where I find my phone blinking incessantly. I log into my email while checking the phone messages and find multiple SMS's about problems with SAM...
So, I wake up, get a shower, have a bowl of cereal (Lucky Charms!) and head out the door. I get to work and find Cassie walking about. She tells me all about the fact that SAM didn't work at all this morning. TLN knew there was an issue, but did not bother to contact the Libraries. Lovely. I walk downstairs, and check my computer to see what emails are awaiting me... nothing new... I walk out and talk to Josh about it. We note that all the computers have the big RED MEDICAL sign on them and state that the computer is unavailable. Josh asks me "Should these signs about PINs be on the Express workstations?"
We walk over and I look at them... Well, of COURSE not. There's no PIN usage here. So I reach over to pull the sign off... laying my hands on the monitor...
POOF. SAM TURNED ON.
I walked back and told Allison that the computers were working again. She asked "What? How did you fix them?"
I said "I laid my hands upon them, and they were good." then struck a Superman pose.
I AM TECHNOLOGICAL JESUS. I HEAL COMPUTERS BY LAYING MY HANDS UPON THEM.
(at least until 3:15pm when I had to come back because the computers were tossing people every 20 minutes... still... it was funny in the moment)
Lovely day off.
For over 3 weeks, I've been dealing with constant post nasal drip, which devolved into a bout of Bronchitis.
Snotagra Falls. I am sick of sniffling, sneezing, coughing and feeling like Lemmiwinks is clawing at the linings in my lungs. I want to take a nice deep breath, and go for a hike or bike ride... Please, WARM UP ALREADY, NATURE!!!!
When I finally got to the Dr office, they weighed me in at 294 lbs. I was stunned. Holy God, am I fat. It's time to crack down and get serious... no more soda. no more french fries. Cut out carbs immediately, increase fruit and vegetable intake... one of the issues there is that it's MORE EXPENSIVE to eat healthy than it is to eat "not so healthy". Alas. Going to do my best....
I have help. My lady has vowed to stop by on Sunday while I'm working and "remove all the junk". I suspect I'll come home that evening and find almost nothing in my pantry and fridge. I picked up "healthy" foods last night, so maybe it'll be fine... but I've got a fridge full of microwave meals that I'll likely never eat now.Maybe I'll bring them to work for everyone to eat.
I also told my dad that if I'm cooking for him, then he's coming with me on this diet. More vegetables, fruit. Dinner may well be chicken or steak and a plate of steamed veggies. I have to learn how to cook healthier. I learned to cook from my mom, and I'd describe her cooking as "southern american". It's SOOOOooOOo good, but probably not so healthy. I don't fry stuff often, and choose lean meats (ground turkey, ground chicken, ostrich, elk, bison, etc) rather than traditional... but I know what my problem is.
I get bored at home, and eating is FUN. Really. So I need to redirect that. When I sit down and watch TV, there's an premordial desire to have a pop on the table next to me and a bad of chips in my lap. I can't do that to myself anymore. I want to get down to 220 minimum, but there's no way that is going to happen quickly. It will take time... 2 years, maybe. I'm slightly afraid of losing weight, because the last time I did lose weight is when my gall bladder went to heck on me and had to be removed. (I was told gall bladder pain in a male is the closest pain a male can perceive to natural child birth... because I would suffer gall bladder attacks that took 4 to 12 hours to resolve, and never got anything except aspirin for it.)
So this post nasal drip, and my inability to shake it... are probably because my health is for shit right now.
Speaking of for shit, I need to get a new Dr. Please advise me if this is a crazy thought...
I cannot/do not want to continue going to my current Dr office. They're affiliated with Botsford. I'm not saying Botsford did something wrong. I'm just saying I've seen the inside of that hospital way too much, and my mother passed away in a bed in that hospital. She spent the last month and a half of her life there. And the idea of being directed into that building for any reason whatsoever... scares the holy bejeebus hell out of me I was also asked, during my last visit, how my mother was doing by the practicing nurse. She wondered where my mom has been since she hadn't seen her in over a year... I'm like... WTF? Well, she died, ma'am. She passed on November 2, 2009 at 11:30pm due to an insidious piece of shit disease called Renal Cell Carcinoma. Sorry you guys don't share basic patient care information. DUH.
Speaking of Renal Cell... I watched an episode of "House" about a month ago. It featured Cuddy as the medical mystery. They noticed mysterious symptoms, including an assumption of metastatized cancer in her lungs and kidneys. At one point, they decide she has Renal Cell Carcinoma and House, who is in love with Cuddy, mutters to himself in disbelief... "she's dead."
Well, in happy TV land, all Cuddy had was an allergic reaction to Penicillin. Lucky her... That episode was like a punch in the gut. Repeatedly. Cannot shake the image of his reaction to that diagnosis from my memory. Would we have preferred a straight forward assessment like that, or the mildly rosy "oh, we can work on it..." variations we got with my mom until the morning of November 2, 2009 when they told her we should let her go...
It was easier to dream in rhyme
when I was sad and confused
now I dream of being with you
the words are harder to come to
happiness dims creativity yet if I'm
left with you that's fine with me
so my output begins to dim
and everything I ever said
makes no sense to me
pain and sorrow spill freely
drowned and bleeding are just as easily
described in flowery phrases
but happiness is dull and grey
my words they seem to be
dark and sated absent the hunger
it's not a bad thing
to smile instead of wonder
this makes some sense to me
I'd rather be so much rather be
hanging out with you
than sitting down with pen in hand
about to drown in a crying jag
could a smile genuinely scream
can't you see me shining
out of the shadows finally
we are the light that's cast
does it make sense to you?
do I care anyway if they
shake their heads and say
I can't believe it's you
how could this happen to?
well sometimes we find our love
when we stop looking and stop crying
and stop trying to impress that state
of lonliness and fate
thats all the sense I need
so now I don't care for the rhyme
nor for the whine nor words so fine
the razor line just a past crime
left to lie to the shadows