I do not do confrontation well. There was an incident where we found someone doing something they shouldn't do.
It should have been simple. I should have simply ejected the person from the place. I mean, they were violating the code of conduct, and more to the point, likely breaking the law.
Instead, I froze. The kid was really good, and I was impressed by what he was doing. It took me a few moments to figure it out, and when I did I was like... whoa. Okay. Wait a second...
This is me when I was 12 years old. Hacking a Commodore Pet in the Library so everytime you pressed a button, it said "STOP TOUCHING ME!" and then when you typed "QUIT" it said "You shouldn't have done that. I'm mad now. I'm going to erase you." and then shut the computer down. (nothing but GOTO and IF/THEN loops in BASIC).
I felt like the bad guy. Telling him to leave. BUT... I'm a grown man now. My job included telling that kid "what you're doing is wrong, and must stop". Which I did... and I felt like... a hypocrite.
What made this a "confrontation" was the fact that he basically threatened me. A KID. Dude, I'm 38 years old and huge (so I'm told). I kicked him offline 3 times. He kept coming back. He would not leave. He found holes in the system. I was impressed... and repulsed... and confused.
Confusion is because when I was a boy, confrontation meant getting into a fight. Win or lose, it meant having to hurt someone. Thats the furthest thing from my mind and being as humanely possible. Even when not physical, it means stopping someone from doing what they want to do or saying something mean. And the kid? All he wanted to do was play a game (albeit, he was cheating). All I know is, I was so mad and confused, I felt myself vibrating. It was all too familiar. Like all the days of being made fun of... people screaming "DEAF BOY" in my ear... shoving me to the ground, forcing me to eat dirt.
Maybe this means I'm not doing my job right. Maybe this means I'm emotionally compromised now. Maybe my logical and emotional halves are just about to go to town on each other. Its hard to be confrontational in a verbal fashion when you can't hear.
Maybe its weird this is consuming me, and for the first time in a very long time, I hadn't thought about my mom for more than a few hours... and I feel guilty about that.
Maybe this blog post is about confronting confusion and hoping the end is logical.
Just a few random movie reviews...
Zombieland: AWESOME movie. I want a sequel. or a TV series. Really well done.
Moon: GREAT sci-fi. Sam Rockwell deserves an Oscar nom for this movie. I mean, he's the WHOLE MOVIE. Maybe a bit of a slow build, but it pays off well.
Twilight: Nothing on tonight, so I watched this... atrocious excuse for a waste of celluloid. Well, that's harsh... it wasn't really SO bad... dopey writing. unattractive actors and actresses in a "love" story (pronunciation required).. and horrible HORRIBLE directing. What was with that dopey running effect? What is this? Land of the Lost?
And Another Thing: Douglas Adams' corpse should be spinning in its grave, attempting to verify the Superman theorem by spinning counterclockwise in an effort to turn the clock backwards and make sure Eoin Colfer is NEVER EVER offered the ability to mangle this beloved series.. holy, craptastic bad book. A long time ago, I bought into a maxim (thanks, Cairo Bob!): "Finish every book you start, you'll learn something by finishing it.". Well... I can't finish this crap. It's AWFUL. It's almost the worst book I've ever read. (and I'm look at you, Star Trek: Ghost Ship)
The Hurt Locker: Okay, I see why there's the Oscar hype. But... so? The movie was not really all that complex. Decent characters, but still basically gungho GI Joe, yippe kai yo. SO... he LIKES to disarm bombs. He's an adrenaline junky. So? Whatever.
Inglourious Basterds: Much more deserving of an Oscar. GREAT acting. GREAT directing. Slow build? Not really. Follow the detail. Not every movie has to be wall to wall slam bang action. I loved the way this movie rolled out and LOVED the way it rewrote the end of WW2. I mean, what IF? If that's the way you win, what the hell would your society be like? Would it really be better than the Nazis?
Avatar: Still want to see with IMAX 3-D. Saw it in "Real Digital 3D". In any case, I spent the first 20 minutes with my jaw open. Seriously stunning effects. The 3-D really works in 'closed" scenes, but "wide shot" scenes? Not so much. Serious immersion. The story? Very derivative. Dances with Wolves in Space. Even so, its awesome entertainment and a real leap forward in movie making. In any case, I'm amused endlessly by the reports of people who feel depressed about their lives after seeing this movie. I wrote about the EXACT EFFECT as part of my college thesis. I stated that Movies, TV and Computers will merge together, creating immersive entertainment structures and once those structures are established in a meaningful fashion, society will have to cope with it. Who wants to spend time in drab reality when you can spend time in a colorful, beautiful world of giant floating mountains and Smurfette is 12 feet tall and sexy hot?