How Santa Claus delivers zillions of presents to trillions of children

Alright, this is a secret, ya know? Don't ask me how I know it. Suffice to say, I know the secret, and I'm telling it in my blog. That way, it will be on the Internets, so you know it's true. Every year, at exactly 12:00:08 EST, Santa Claus activates a time dilation device that slows down the passage of time on the entire planet. The time dilation slows down the passage of time over the entire planet, except for those who are given a time dilation shield... namely, Santa Claus, all his…Read more …

Still Deaf

Well, I finally had the summation of "test" results today. It basically amounts to: "You're profoundly deaf" NO?!?? REALLY??? Holy shiznit! I never knew THAT! All kidding aside... I had a CAT scan done, a plain vanilla hearing test and an ENG test (inner ear test). The hearing tests shows my hearing is quite bad, the inner ear test shows my inner ear is fairly normal, but the CAT scan shows a mildly deviated septum... which apparently makes it more likely that when I get a bad cold, it's worse on the left…Read more …