Utter, Abject insanity plus other Deep Thoughts

I’d be remiss if I didn’t add an entry to my blog about this time to remind myself of how absolutely batshit insane everything has been lately.

Work has been off the charts in terms of demands on my time. I’m basically working at least 4 jobs right now at the Library. I’m working my job, the Digital Services Librarian, 2 Computer Pages worth of desk time, and for the last few weeks I’ve been the plumber. On the side, I’ve been continuing to talk with clients (including rolling out a new website for NMS) and also working on the Library’s millage campaign (including the website and Social Media presence with FB advertising). Good grief. I have so much work and responsibility, I have no time for me. I’m also still the TLN Tech Comm Chair. I attended MLA in Grand Rapids, which included a harrowing drive on a Tuesday night with no moon, fog, and downpours… and a drive back from there in soupy thick fog unto a Library whereas we had to snake out a drain under Wing St…. on a 10 hr day PLUS the morning drive in.

On the plus side, I am thrilled that my bosses trust me to this extent. On the downside? Having to prioritize to such a high extent that my personal life is non-existent. For example, I had to cancel my vacation to visit Dan, Linda and even Allison down in Virginia. I am crushed for having to do this. I feel completely awful for having to cancel flights (I had to eat the cost of the flight: $220), rental cars, hotels, and the fact I was going to help on the NVTRP for a morning while down there… and I was going to drive myself to Natural Bridge….)

I recognized last night that I was so crushed, I was physically depressed, and it was physically affecting me (I had heart burn, and I’ve been sleeping 8 to 9 hours a night… often finding myself passing out in my easy chair while trying to catch up on TV after cleaning house…) I have no time to do what I really need to do: LOSE WEIGHT. Cause I’m nearing (like within a pound or 2 of) the mythical Hulk Hogan weight… without the 24 inch pythons. I need time for ME, and I can’t… because if I take any time, this place will fall apart because I’m filling so many jobs right now, I might as well be the mortar in the bricks.

I’ve hardly been seeing my Dad (twice a week, maybe), who’s going through his own travails… I see my brother and nephew once a week… I see Darcey and Drew every Sunday morning for flag football… that’s it. I cook dinner for my dad, brother and nephew… that’s my whole personal life right now.

I love my job. I really do. I couldn’t work this way if I didn’t… but I find myself questioning if I’m completely sacrificing my personal life, nay, my ability to even HAVE a personal life, for the sake of my professional life. They’re two very different, but vital parts of who I am… I really want to find balance.

That, and I’m sick of being alone. Maybe if I had someone with me, it would be an easier burden to shoulder. Maybe it’s not a burden at all, and I’m just a wuss. I just don’t know right now.

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