Movie Reviews

Crank
This movie kicks ass. Cartman would REALLY love this movie, except then he’d spend a whole episode of South Park shooting himself up with drugs and pretending to be Jason Statham.

The movie starts fast and jerky, with hectic cuts and shaky camera creating a really uneven mood that’s annoying at first until you realize that’s exactly what the filmmakers wnated to do. Then the movie grabs you and takes you along for the adrenaline crazed ride.

I think Statham is an awesome actor, but after watching this, I understand why he would be passed over for the James Bond role: he does surface emotion so well that viewers truly buy it. James Bond is about SUPRESSING the surface emotion. If Statham could prove his acting chops extend beyond the surface, he’d be the most effective Bond ever because the audience has already been trained that Statham is a nuclear bomb waiting to explode.

Assuming I’m an alien with 12 appendages, I give this movie 10 appendages way up.

Silent Hill
Never played the video game, so I entered this movie with no preconceived notion of what to expect. What you end up with is a creepy, atmospheric movie about witches and long burning coal mines.

The ending is absolutely bombastic, and the mood and atmosphere is quite good. It was much better than I expected from it… as most any movie based on a video game immediately has to be given poor expectations due to such amazing film auters like Uwe Boll (who deserves to be noted as Ed Wood with decent FX). I like the cast a lot. Rahda Mitchell is a decent female lead, and she had a good physical presense. For some reason, I remember someone with a name like that being in bad karate movies in the late 80’s… and Sean Bean is always good.

7 appendages up.

Casino Royale
So…let’s state it up front: this ain’t Bond. I know James Bond. And Mr. Daniel Craig? You ain’t Bond.

I enjoyed parts of the movie, but I was so annoyed with the lack of an ending… the damn, stupid movie went on.. and on… and on… and on… Even the part I enjoyed wouldn’t get this movie out of the hole. It’s not nearly the best Bond story, so if you’re going to remake a Bond movie, pick a better story for God sakes. Poker and Gambling has been so overdone as a dramatic and/or action movie premise that doing it again is just a waste of the viewers time and intelligence.

Craig is a good actor (witness Munich), but he doesn’t even remotely fit the bill of Bond. This movie is HURT by the fact it’s billed as a James Bond movie. It’d be a MUCH better movie is his name was, say, Fred Smith, CIA. Any viewer with a picture in their mind of James Bond cannot enjoy this movie.

Maybe 1.5 appendages up. I was honestly appalled by this movie.

Borat
I’ll admit, I was STUNNED by some of the parts of this movie. It so cleverly slams the “Dubbya” view of the world that it’s a big sack of kick ass. At Blockbuster, there was a kid in line ahead of us trying to rent the movie. The clerk had to call home to check and see if the kid had permission to actually check out a movie this obscene. The parent gave permission, and then the kid starting slapping his pockets and then cried “Oh no! I forgot my money!”

I gave the kid $5. I figure having to see pictures of Borat’s son, or when Azamat’s ball sack is slapping Borat in the face should scar the kid for a lifetime.

This REALLY got aired in the theaters? Just that simple question underlines how freaking awesome this movie is.

I give this movie 10 solid appendages up.

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